Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
