I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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