Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
