Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
