He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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