Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
