Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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