I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
