i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
