I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
two words...techno handjob
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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