yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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