I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
