Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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