Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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