Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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