Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think i have two assholes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
