Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
