After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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