my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
