TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
