I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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