Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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