Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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