The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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