She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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