I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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