I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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