Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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