The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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