ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize