I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
