Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
