i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
