and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
