Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this is an emotional support booty call
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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