Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
