ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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