So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
