the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
did i just pee glitter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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