my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
