I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
