you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize