Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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