just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
