when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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