Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
