That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
