You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
