He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
