He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize