I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
