i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
