and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
