You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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