its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
