my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
