I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
