C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
