You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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