i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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