Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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