HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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