I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
