i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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