Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
