I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
