Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
