Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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