I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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